GOD vs. the NHL

NHL ALL-STARS BEAT JERUSALAM ALL-STARS 27-0

(Columbus, OH) --- Jaromir Jagr, Mario Lemieux, Brett Hull, and Mark Messier collected hat tricks while Judas was given a game misconduct as the best of the NHL shredded the All-Stars from Jerusalem before a sold-out crowd at Nationwide Arena in Columbus, Ohio.

   “It was definitely the best game of my career,” said Jagr (C-Pittsburgh). “I wish my own team can play as well as we did today.”

   Scoring was opened just :10 seconds into the first period when Mike Modano was fed a cross-ice pass from his former Dallas Stars teammate, Brett Hull. Luc Robitaille also assisted on the goal.

   17 NHL All-Star players had no trouble getting the puck past former superstar Jesus Christ.

   “What can I say? They really came to play,” quipped Jerusalem’s coach, God. “Our forwards looked liked they’d never seen ice before, our defense was non-existent, and our goalie played like he had holes in his hand.”

    It also didn't help matters that Jerusalem, in keeping with biblical tradition, dressed 13 other players besides Christ.

   St. Louis Blues defensemen, Chris Pronger, was gracious towards Jerusalem’s goalie. “He wasn’t getting any help from his teammates. You could put Patrick Roy in that situation and even he’d get throttled.”

   Messier, however, took the win for what it was. “You hear it all the time, ‘Jesus saves’,” Messier chuckled. “But not when he’s got Jagr, Lemieux, and Al MacInnis bearing down on him.”

    Messier added, "This guy's supposed to be able to walk on water. Well, ice is frozen water."

   Christ stopped 42 of 69 NHL shots. NHL All-Stars goalie Martin Broduer had to stop only one Jerusalem shot when an icing attempt actually trickled towards his crease.